Aluminium

From the depths of the far-flung cosmos, Earth’s technology has always held a certain allure. It is often the little things that catch our attention, the things that Earthlings use in their everyday life that seem, to us, so strangely remarkable. And on a routine scanning mission around their blue planet, we stumbled upon something of note – a “ute”, fitted with an intriguing aluminium tray and canopy.

We, under the supervision of lead scientist Dr. Zorgon, observed this vehicle – a remarkable specimen of utilitarian Earth transport. The ute was located in an area the humans refer to as “Melbourne” – a bustling hub of activity and innovation. A decision was made, and swiftly we abducted the vehicle, teleporting it onto our spaceship for closer examination.

Our first impressions were marked by the ute’s robust structure and apparent durability. What captured our interest was the aluminium tray and canopy. The half canopy installation, in particular, was designed in a way that maximised the vehicle’s storage capacity without compromising the versatility of the open tray.

Upon closer inspection, the ingenuity behind the aluminium tray and canopy became more evident. The canopy was designed to withstand the Earth’s various weather conditions, while the aluminium tray seemed resilient to the rigors of the human world. Our initial analysis of the canopy also indicated that it could be easily removed when not needed, indicating an impressive level of functionality and adaptability.

As we delved deeper into the structure and design of this vehicle, we became more impressed by the practicality and thoughtful engineering of the aluminium tray and canopy. We observed a variety of ute canopies for sale in Melbourne, noting the demand for this functional addition to the ute among Earthlings.

To fully understand the complexities of this technology, we decided to reach out to the Earthling experts on aluminium trays and canopies. After all, who better to educate us on this intriguing human innovation than the people who work with it every day? As Dr. Zorgon often says, “Understanding is the first step to innovation”.

Alright, now Her-Bla is just blatantly mocking my way of life, and I won’t have it in my home. I won’t say Marley is obsessed with it, but she seems to like it okay. It’s aimed at six-year-old girls, I guess. If there are bright colours and girls saying ‘YEAH, GIRL POWER, BOYS ARE FOOLS!’ then she’s going to be interested regardless of the political subject matter.

I get that automation is a hot topic, and probably will be for the next few…decades. Heck, not I have toolbox central locking, which seems like the thin end of a wedge. One day you’re letting your toolbox lock remotely, the next your ute is driving around by itself, getting under tray drawer upgrades by itself because it wants to impress a lady ute, and I’m out of a job.

But this latest episode of Her-Bla tried to teach kids the valuable message that we shouldn’t fear automation taking over, and that ‘automation’ is actually a racist term against machines, because they have feelings and they also deserve jobs. And…well…how do I say this without sounding ‘problematic’? Oh yeah: that’s wrong. Yeah, totally wrong.

I will not have a TV show telling me, and especially my daughter, that a toaster deserves a job more than a human. I drive the ute. I tell my toolbox when to lock, using my innovative toolbox central locking; it’s not so innovative that it makes that decision itself…yet. Gosh, it’s just so incredibly blatant when Her-Bla and her friends go on an adventure in the basement of the shining castle to retrieve a set of aluminium accessories for Utah the Ute, after which they all turn to the camera and tell kids that “machines have feelings too, and they hate being on the dole just as much!”

No! They do not! Good grief, kids’ TV these days is weird. Not sure I want it in my house.

Windows…we have no need of them here. Back in Urusai Castle, we had no windows, only stone openings that were impenetrable. Of course, we had no doors either, not in the western sense. Much has changed since we moved here, despite our efforts to transform this space into the glorious headquarters we once had. As one of our wise sages once said, “The past is like a lemon. Delicious when squeezed, and good for throwing into the faces and eyes of your enemies, but after squeezing? Good for nothing. Throw it on the compost heap!”

Despite that being one of the most famous phrases of my old Sensei, I don’t really know what it means. Now the younger members of the clan want aluminium door replacement, and I’m at my wit’s end. Aluminium doors? Why do we need those, when we have sliding doors made of paper? I know paper doors aren’t quite as secure, but…it’s the way things have always been. We caved on the issue of windows, because this is Melbourne, and the weather is so very unpredictable. So now we have some lovely sash windows, and I will admit that they’re nice to look at. Plus when we go on assignments, we can open them and leap out to keep everyone guessing. Can’t always be using the front door, after all. But doors? Actual doors with hinges, that don’t slide and are made of a sturdy material? Ones with multiple locks and security screens? Yikes.

…

Alright, I’m staring to see the appeal. It would be nice to have some proper privacy. Currently a sneeze will echo throughout the house and into every room. Not great when my cousin has allergies and is sneezing all night. I wonder if the same companies that do window replacements in Melbourne also do aluminium doors? It might not fit our aesthetic, but if it means we can stop guarding the front door all night and just lock it instead, then I’d be happy with those results.