Heating

It’s cold

I absolutely hate winter. I hate it with such a passion. I find it really restricting when it comes to being able to enjoy life, I can’t go out and I can’t have fun. Frankly, when it’s wintertime it means life is going to suck for about three to four months. I become a horrible person to be around when it’s winter. It’s not something I am proud of, but it’s true. My family all say that I walk around the house like a total grump. Particularly the week we get our annual ducted heating service. Canberra is a cold place and it’s cold every single year. I don’t know why my parents are insistent on waiting until winter to get the heater serviced. Surely, they would know by now that once winter comes, the heating system needs to be serviced. You think I sound like a grump in this particular blog article? You should honestly see me during the servicing week while the heater is out of action. Without even realising I’m pacing and stomping around the house.

I really wish I lived elsewhere, to be honest. Somewhere hotter. Somewhere there is a beach and blue skies. I hate wind and I hate rain. Unfortunately, I don’t think I’ll be moving from this city anytime soon. At least not until I finish university. Once I graduate the whole world will be in my hands and I can visit all the warm places in the world. I want to go to Greece, Italy, Spain, and Mexico. In all honesty, I just want to go somewhere that is hot. I’m just lucky that my parents use the best heating repairs around Canberra to fix our heating system. Whenever they fix our heater, it honestly sizzles. I could walk around my house in shorts and a t-shirt and still feel warm. It’s an amazing feeling. I’d honestly rather be sweating and boiling than freezing. I know it’s odd, but hey, that’s me.

Now It’s Personal

Some people really love to make a fuss! You tell one tiny little white lie, and next thing you know they’re demanding your head on a stake. I’ll admit that it’s marginally unethical to tell the whole office you’ve got a medical condition that you don’t technically have, but sometimes the ends justify the means, and in this case I had no choice but to play dirty.

I don’t like having to wear a jacket at work, okay? I spend all this time planning out outfits, and I find that jackets tend to ruin the line. Evan and Dan and Britney wouldn’t understand that, because they’re all such dowdy drones. In short, it’s imperative that I get have my say over the heating over winter, and they wouldn’t have understood if I’d made my point in a less manipulative way. 

If only Evan hadn’t overheard me explaining my ruse, and Hans – ever the Mr. Reasonable – hadn’t taken the matter to HR. Then I’d still be sitting pretty, ensconced in my ideal climate. As it stands, I’m currently swathed in a shapeless cardigan that completely conceals my new neckpiece, while Hans is happily researching ducted heating system repairs. Melbourne area locals, he says, don’t really know what cold is, but it’s still good to keep your system in good nick. Bloody Europeans… to top it off, they somehow manage to make cold-weather clothes look chic. 

Whatever. I may have been temporarily defeated, but the battle hasn’t been won yet. If Evan can use Hans as a pawn to take me down via HR, then I can fire that right back. I’m sure there’s some dirt to be dug up, and while it might not get me the remote back, it might at least wrestle it away from Team Icebox. Maybe I can argue that, at the office in Clayton, services for heating and cooling are not allowed to be controlled by…  people called Evan? Maybe that’s a bit far fetched. 

At the end of the day, it’s not about Evan being banned from the remote. It’s just about me being in charge of it.

Beautiful Heating Prose

I’m not usually one for poetry, but sometimes you just hear a certain little collection of words arranged rhythmically, and something in your heart flutters. I was watching an episode of People With Way Too Much Money, and Bradley had taken Meg out on a romantic date, they were on the bow of a cruise ship…and Bradley pulls out a piece of paper. “I wrote these words for you, my darling,” he said, before reading his lovely poem:

Meg so hot,

Hot, hot Meg

Meg so hot

She fry an egg.

Um, excuse me while I squee.

See, it’s all thematically linked. Bradley made his fortune doing ducted gas heating repairs in Melbourne, and even now that he’s moved onto managing multiple businesses, you could still say that he’s remembered as a ducted heating tycoon. Many of the romantic things he does are related to heat, like taking his then-girlfriend Scarlet on a desert trek, or flying his other girlfriend Monique all the way to Cancun for a sunbed experience worth over two-million. He IS the heating guy, Bradley. His family made Melbourne heating a household name, in Melbourne, because they put heating in almost all the houses and people talk about it I guess. In fact, I think that’s what keeps drawing all these beautiful women to him: they see past the good looks and the perfect teeth and the designer suits and the hundreds of millions of dollars in his bank account, and they know that he really gets heating.

Like, here’s a guy who would never bring in a fan heater to heat up his home, oh no. He’d get the best split system heating Melbourne has to offer. No girl is ever going to be cold in his house, because Bradley would consider that a travesty.

He’s the ‘hot’ guy, but not in that way. Girls just love how he makes them feel warm and cozy…with his ducts and gas heating.

-Layla