You Better Scoot

Bah, and here’s me choosing the way of the beast as my wizard path. How could I not have seen this coming? Truth be told, being banished to the mortal realm is pretty new and hip as punishments go. Ever since Mr Rickets Barney discovered the portal, it’s become the king’s favourite method of punishing infractions.

Still, while undoubtedly all the other secret wizards are making their lives here easier with their magical talents, all I can do is make sure that my apartment and the ones around me are free from insect interference. There are regulations against having too many animals in a small space, and I have a job to go to so I can’t simply frolic amongst the Australian wildlife all day. And these damnable principles! I could get a job with a reputable Frankston pest control company, and use my secret talents to become their very best agent. I’ve seen the tools they use for termite inspections and pest controlling in general, and while humans do very well for themselves with the resources they have been given, it’s not quite as efficient as using my Beast Tongue to simply whisper through the cracks to the termites that there’s a huge sale on right now, 75% off damp wood out in the back garden, thus causing them to flee en masse from the house.

That would be cheating, however, and I’m rather paranoid that people will hear me talking to the bugs and either suspect that I’m using magical powers, think I’m just weird, or both. Then I’d be that weird pest controller who talks to bugs and is also a wizard, and I’ll never work as a pest inspection agent near Frankston or anywhere else ever again. And I LIKE the idea of doing pest control. I feel like it’s why I was dropped into this world to begin with. No one else sweet-talks the termites quite like I do.