We’ll All Be Boating Soon?

Boating / By

Anyone seen those new Aqua-Pods? Lawrence Corp just did a live demo and I managed to catch the stream on my lunch break. I try to keep up with the latest tech, but that company does make things a little difficult, given that they seem to come out with something completely new every single day. And it’s always some cool thing that you didn’t even know that you needed.

Anyway, the Aqua-Pod is a plastic bubble with a motor…and that’s mostly it. You sit in a chair, strap in and zip through the ocean with a basic joystick. The fuel only lasts a couple of hours, but it’s basically meant to be a more affordable way to get people enjoying the sea. Do I think it has a future? IMO, you can’t rule it out. It has a big old boat motor, so the companies that service outboard motors near Melbourne dock area should be pretty happy. There’s been a bit of a dip ever since the boat craze faded, so if people get into Aqua-Pods, then there’s going to be yet another sea trend. Anchor winches were another hot commodity during that time, so not too sure what’s going to happen with those. I assume the pods have some way of stopping in the middle of the sea rather than just bobbing at the mercy of the tides. Or maybe they don’t? Knowing Lawrence Corp, it’ll probably be some sort of proto-anchor-winch innovation that they haven’t yet unveiled. Like, an anchor winch that’s actually a laser. An anchor-winch with such a long and flexible cable that it can attach to the dock and stretch for miles. At least I can someone who can do professional anchor winch installation in Melbourne. They’re getting a ton of work, because the sea is just going to turn into a mess of tangled pods.

Nah, they won’t do that. My money is on it being lasers.

-Pierre

Kids Parties Aren’t What they Used to Be!

Kids / By

I’m not sure a murder mystery is really appropriate for children. Now, I’m not going to tell Abigail how to raise her child- even though someone should, because I’m seeing just a tad too much sugar being passed around at those parties- but I let my daughter go to that party on the condition that if she was offered a second cup of cordial, she would cordially refuse. But when she came back babbling about how they scurried around the play centre solving the murder of a stuffed purple elephant, I had quite a few reservations.

I have nothing against the play centre, of course. These kids party venues available here in Melbourne are quite wonderful for their intended purpose, because heaven knows that I don’t time to cleaning up after a party in MY home. So long as I can control what happens at my own party, make sure everyone is eating healthy snacks and none of the games involve too much running and jumping (especially after eating!), then I’ve no problem. Letting my daughter attend a party without me being present was a big step, and now she’s come back with all sorts of fanciful tales about Mr Trumpet the elephant being pushed off a bridge by persons unknown, and then they had to go on an odyssey all around the play centre until it was revealed that Mrs Slither the snake killed him for the insurance money.

I just don’t think children should be hearing about this sort of thing! We have disasters, theft, family troubles and even insurance fraud, perhaps the worst of them all.

I know it’s all just fanciful tales, and apparently they had Mr Trumps and Mrs Slithery appear as themselves afterwards to confirm that it was all an act, but…really. Abigail has gone too far. I have to do it all myself. I have to find an entire birthday party venue for hire. Melbourne has enough of them spread about. And then, I’ll have to lead by example with a nice, safe party where everyone eats healthy carrot snacks and no one even so much as scrapes their knee. Not even stuffed animals.

-Darla

Overdue for a Catch-Up

Uncategorized / By

My cousin – let’s call her Nelly – has always been very outgoing. I would describe her as a classic extrovert, with a solid dose of self-awareness to temper the parade of sociable energy that’s forever streaming out of her. We went to the same primary school, and I remember her being known throughout the whole school for her loud, fun-loving personality.

Nelly has carried these positive personality traits into adulthood, and now has a great job managing an international NGO. So I was surprised to learn, recently, that she has not been doing so well. It was actually her sister who passed on to me that Nelly is receiving treatment for depression and anxiety at a Mornington Peninsula psychiatry clinic.

When I reflected on it, I realised that I had been aware of Nelly’s propensity toward excessive stress and worry. Despite her class clown persona, she was always a bit of a perfectionist with schoolwork. At uni, she never allowed fun with friends to take priority over studying, which meant she did insanely well at the expense of other things that have always been very important to her – primarily, having a social life.

I remember her health going a bit haywire at that time, too, mostly due to sleep problems that developed into insomnia. According to her sister, that’s been a recurring problem, especially since she got this job. It’s kind of her dream position, which I guess is making her put an unreasonable amount of stock in doing it flawlessly.

Anyway, I think I might ask her over for dinner and see if she wants to talk about it. I know tons of people who’ve been through similar things, so talking about it doesn’t make me uncomfortable at all. I mean, honestly – who hasn’t had a brush with some form psychological service, Mornington? Part of me wonders why Nelly didn’t tell me herself.

Then again, it’s been a while since we had a proper catch-up… has it really been over a year? That’s on both of us, but it’s clearly time to get back in touch.

Finally, a Place for Intense Spinning Shenanigans

Conveyancing / By

I don’t want to be, like…snooty, or anything. Still, I do really think that Pro Fidget Spinning is a little bit above most of its competitors. When I say that, I mean all the fringe sports waiting to gain mainstream acceptance. None of them really cater to a mass demographic like we do, they don’t strike the balance between movement and non-movement…I just really think we have a wider appeal, which is why you need to get onto changestuff.net and contribute to our campaign to find a proper venue to play games of Pro Fidget Spinner. There are basketball courts, swimming pools, football fields…but no dedicated space for Pro Spinners. We have our eye on a warehouse, and we’re looking for conveyancers in the Carlton area who can help us with the moving. As it turns out, buying a whole building and then renovating it for a specific purpose isn’t done with a snap of the fingers. We just need some extra funding (by which I mean a LOT of extra funding) so we can buy the building, contact and gain the services of these conveyancers, get planning permission, hire some workmen to convert it into the perfect Pro Spinning arena, and then kit it out with sporting supplies. We need, like…a couple of million at most. How much do conveyancers cost? I actually don’t know.

We’re all sports people, not property experts, which is why we need YOUR help. I mean, we definitely need it if you’re an expert in conveyancing and settlement. or if you can do large-scale renovations on the cheap, or you know a thrifty place for pads and other sporting equipment. Otherwise, you can contribute to our changestuff.net campaign, and together, we can purchase and create the Pro Fidget Spinning arena of our dreams. THEN we’ll be on the radar!

-Fitz

Selling Cars By Daylight, Doing Donuts by Moonlight…

Cars / By

Every now and then, you just have to return to the classics. Pretty Car Dealer Sailor Hoon feels pretty relevant right now, since Dinky-Dai-Animation is producing a reboot with what seems to be an absolutely massive budget, so while I look forward to that, let us revisit the 90s classic! The new series is going to be based in Melbourne, obviously…it’s the new trend. I really hope it’s going to be in a recognisable location. Imagine if they featured car repair garages in Mitcham, right next to where I live! I could go on the forums and tell people that I live next to the place where one of THE biggest reboots is set! I might even go so far as to book my own car service, Ringwood is only up the road from me.

Anyway, back to the retro-review. It was a simpler time, when anime in the West was unknown, and the few that slipped through the cracks were aimed at boys. Pretty Car Dealer Sailor Hoon was the first to have a wide appeal, following the adventures of a young girl who was also a car dealer, but secretly a street racer by night. Her dual identity was a huge part of the appeal.

“Selling cars by daylight, doing burnouts by moonlight, running only from police lights, she is the one called Sailor Hoon!”

See, the crucial plot hinge was how Sailor kept good relations with mechanics and places that did car inspections by day, but by night, she was practically their worst enemy. It was a side of herself that she struggled to keep under control and always wanted gone, but the streets called to her. She needed to do donuts and burnouts and get involved in dangerous street races, like an addiction.

I hope they do it justice in the reboot, both the main character and her Sailor Hoon Squad. And I guess all the garages in Ringwood and Mitcham that do RACV inspections better be prepared, because the influx of tourists is gonna be HUGE.

-Dylan-kun

Garden Gains, Growing Pains

Gardens / By

Okay so currently, the threats to my continued gardening success are threefold. FIRST…it’s really hot. Sure, it’s not as hot as it could be, but the fact that it’s cooled down slightly does not take the edge off the fact of it being too darn hot. I’m not going outside and roasting to a crisp just to save my tulip bulbs from wilting a little.

SECOND…I’m very demotivated. That’s not the same thing as lazy, by the way. Laziness can be attributed to sometimes feeling a bit flat and rundown. You can’t be bothered to do something for no good reason other than the thought of it is exhausting. I’m demotivated because I look at my video streaming queue, I look at the garden, and my mind says ‘no’. I might have gone online to buy hyacinth bulbs with the express purpose of later planting them, but now the circumstances of life have conspired to stop me from doing this. It’s out of my hands. I can do nothing against this tidal wave of ‘nope’ energy.

THIRD…Mrs Dingle next door will always have nicer flowers than mine anyway, so why should I try? She’s so nice about it as well. Disgusting lovely about giving me advice on the best types of mixed hyacinths and daffodils to buy if I consider myself a beginner. And she does it all in the same breath as watering her miniature botanical garden of wonder and colourful loveliness. It’s so radiant it practically bursts over into the nearby gardens, including mine. So not only do I not have the motivation to grow anything of my own, but I practically don’t even have to. Mrs Dingle is the queen of botany, and she shares her grace with everyone in the vicinity.

But there’s one counterpoint to all this…and that’s that I’d be disappointing her. I think Mrs Dingle considers me a flower-growing apprentice at this point, so for me to tell her that I’m no longer going to try? It’d break her heart. So now I guess I’m scouring the internet for things I’ve never heard of, like ile de France tulips and such things. Mrs Dingle assures me that even I could look after them and bring them to adulthood. And Mrs Dingle *would* be the one who’d know.

Kids Have Superpowers

Kids / By

Isn’t it amazing what kids can do to entertain themselves with the most basic bits and bobs? A random stick from the footpath can become a magic relic that transforms its bearer into a wizard, while a cheap, characterless stuffed toy can turn into a wise friend who offers countless hours of enchanting interaction.

Of course, kids are now into the complex world of internet-connected tablets and the like, which perhaps calls into question how much the above point still stands. Maybe kids are just as subject to the itch for bigger, shinier, more elaborate experiences that can be received passively. That’s why, in my opinion, it’s more important than ever to offer them things to do that are physically active and imaginatively stimulating.

For this reason, I’m a fan of a good indoor play centre. Menai has at least one that I know of. I’m all for outdoor play in nature, but there’s something about the novelty and scale of the play apparatuses in these places that seems to send the kids wild, in a good way.

My first impression was that some of these venues look a bit artificial, but when you get down to it, kids are masters of artifice. That’s what enables them to become a wizard, a mermaid or a dog at will. One look at the endless climbing nets, bouncy blocks, ball pits and giant multi-lane slides, and they’ve released their claim to my phone to go exploring.

I’m starting to think this is the right kind of place to host a kids party. Menai parents, what do you reckon? I know that, where the adults are concerned, there’s something to be said for a stylish backyard ‘do complete with sushi platters and bellinis for the grown-ups. But the kids are just so into this play equipment that it’s hard to make an argument for going to all the effort of having a party at home.

Anyway, there seems to be a sweet spot when it comes to keeping kids occupied, and it’s somewhere between complexity and simplicity.

Dark Forest is Best Forest

Trees / By

I’m starting to miss the thick, dark forests of Transylvania. The people of Australia can hardly comprehend, given that their country is so vast and covered in deserts. They have forests, of course, but of a very different kind. The trees are spaced so that they allow light, giving the whole place a much friendlier feel.

My home is covered in forests that strike fear into the hearts of brawny men, so dark and close that you can be inside them in the middle of the day and feel like it’s night.

So, that’s what we’re going for in our new castle-mansion. The grounds have a few copses of trees, but ironically, we’re going to have to have a few of them lopped. I’ll have to see about the tree removal. Melbourne contacts of mine should be quite forthcoming, seeing that I’ve been to multiple evening functions at their homes and they all seem to have manicured grounds, trees pruned to perfection and the grass so well-trimmed that you’d think it was cut with nail scissors. I’m sure there will be someone among them with some wonderful contacts, and I need the best because I’ll be getting rid of gum-trees. I know! I’m so taken with Australia, and that includes the flora and fauna. But it simply isn’t the look we’re going for, and there’s a miniature forest on our grounds that needs to be removed. Once the gum-trees are gone, we’ll look into some far more Romanian trees, and I certainly hope they’ll take to the soil. It’ll have to be a bit of trial and error, and after that, hoping that companies that do tree pruning near Melbourne suburbs know how to prune things of a distinctly foreign nature. I’m thinking some Noir Pine Trees…the ones that thoroughly obscure ANY deeds performed beneath their thick branches. Yes…sounds perfect…

-I.M. Payler Alucard

Smart Homes, I Think Not

Property / By

The thing that really disturbs me about smart technology is the thought of people hacking into it, and doing evil things. That sounds a bit vague but that’s only because I haven’t looked over my notes from the conference.

Oh yes, I went to a conference yesterday entitled ‘The Future: Why We Should Be Deathly Afraid of Technology’. I’m not as clued into tech as my peers because of my parents being tent folks who didn’t really trust it, so I ended up being a bit behind when I finally decided to enter the real world. Now I’m in an office, even using a computer every day as part of my work, and it’s going well. Mostly. I still fear hacking, because in the one movie that I’ve seen, someone used hacking to make a plane explode.

I know Melbourne has a booming property scene. In Melbourne, property advocates and real estate agents exist to help you find a place to live- that is, a real home and not in a tent, one that has walls and all that- and that’s still a strange concept to me. People who help you find homes? How very strange to someone who’s just been living in a tent for their whole life, and the same tent as well. Tent folks don’t move around! The idea is that we’re born and we die in the same tent. But still, property advocates do indeed exist, making the world a better place by helping people to…find homes, I suppose? Homes are very large, but some people have poor eyesight, I suppose. Perhaps the consequence of living in those four restricting walls.

Anyway, this isn’t a slight against estate agents or any of that. I certainly mean no disrespect to the fine folks who help people find homes with walls, because I currently live in one, and it’s nice. But someday, buyers advocates may face the quandary of finding high-end homes when the homes themselves are turning against people in horrific ways. We should just get rid of artificial intelligence altogether, to be honest. Also, walls. They’re alright, but nothing makes a home quite like a bit of fabric.

-Joney

The Future is the Past, Obviously

Property / By

I’m telling you all, the future is the past. I mean, like, we’re all going to realise that the policies of the future were the best ones, so we’ll go back to them, thus causing the past to become the future, and vice-versa.

I don’t think I explained myself very well tonight at the meeting. People seemed pretty confused, and only later did I come up with the analogy of the sixties. People in the sixties didn’t LIVE anywhere, because they realised that the Earth is just our gracious host, and it’s letting us live here rent-free. They just moved from one place to another, everyone’s home was open…the only way to live.

I feel like things are really complicated nowadays. Like, my friend Lacey just got married, and for a wedding present her dad hooked her up with a buyers advocate near Melbourne, and I was all like ‘WHAT’. No, really. I had no clue what that was, so I looked it up, and I was all like ‘oh’, but also all like ‘wow’. Society is now so confusing that we need people to find homes for us, which is fair enough because housing IS confusing. I don’t even want to think about it, which is why I live with my parents, until one of my friends realises that he should be opening his house to all, because mother nature and stuff. Preferably several friends, because then I can couch surf when I get bored of one place. The thought of getting a buyers advocate to find me a home is the furthest thing from my mind. Probably because…well, I don’t have that much money.

Sorry, property advocates of Melbourne. You do good work, I’m sure, but you may have to alter your career once everyone embraces the couch-surfing revolution. It won’t be so bad, though…maybe you could be couch-surfing advocates, helping people to find comfy sofas. But for free.

-Sunshine